you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
NoShamevember. You game?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
