Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize