ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
