His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
