people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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