finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
