Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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