dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
