I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
