The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
