i think i have herpe
just one?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
3 2 1 whiskey
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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