I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
