haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
