I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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