You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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