Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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