hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
