my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
