do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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