He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
