remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize