I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I want to stick my p in your. b.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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