Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
