when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
