I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
