i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think your dad took our porno
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
