He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize