I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
