Moan for me like Helen Keller
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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