? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
