the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
