3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
