My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
