we're blogging at a bar
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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