my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize