help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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