You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
