Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
