Do you still have your period?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
