I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
my poor anus
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
