u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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