I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
