Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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