Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
