I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize