Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize