I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
