The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We talked him into tasing himself.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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