he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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