I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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