Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
