Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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