we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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