Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
