You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
