I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize