my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
