Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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