farters have to be the big spoon...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
