I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
