Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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